Little Ben is "free"!

Little Ben ... Ben is "Free" (that is how he pronounces "3")I think people who come home from combat seem all jittery (at least in the movies, not that I really have been close to anyone in this situation), but they are probably nervous from dodging bullets and other dangerous situations. On a smaller scale, I think I may have the same feelings. I am so jumpy these days, always on guard for a baby escaping, or a 8 yr old playing a game he shouldn't, some combination of my children fighting, or flying objects (cars, remote controls, pillows, coming out of nowhere), or... ME, tripping over a obstacle that someone has left in a pathway (this put me into knee surgery and completely down for 3 months 2 yrs ago, and I will never be the same). Or often, I open a cabinet in the kitchen and the cups come tumbling out like dominos -- I blame that on a kid who has gone for that one favorite cup on the bottom of a stack, and just thrown the others back in, but honestly, we just have too daddum much stuff everywhere. Just the other day, John (hubby) was trying to help me with the mass of objects I try to get in some order each day, and he just tossed a matchbox car into the little boys room. I was folding laundry in peace, when this little car came 1mm from my face. I jumped and he laughed. I don't think he was trying to harm me... who else would he con into doing this job for longer than 1.3 hours? Plus, I think he does love me, despite my twitch at the end of a day in our combat zone.

When they are all sleeping, I think how wonderful our life is, and how perfect they all are, but most of the day, I think my face must look like I am on a scary rollercoaster. I remember Steve Martin in the movie Parenthood, with the rollercoaster analagy, and the crazy grandmother who was so positive about enjoying those dips and quick turns. I am trying to get to the grandmother's frame of mind, but it takes a lot of restraint (and maybe some medication).
Today, for the moment, I am in a quiet house, and the cleaning ladies have just left, so it is a rare moment when I don't feel the pressure to clean. I am no neat freak, but it is a major task just to keep us within the health code.

Ben gets into more than the twins did at the same age, because he is enabled by his siblings. The others didn't know they could climb up 2 shelves in the refrigerator and get yogurt and even though the spoon drawer is easier to get to than the yogurt, for the heck of it, just eat the yogurt with hands. And when the twins were this age, mommy was a little less exhausted, so when I heard the refrigerator door open, I was on the spot to catch the disaster. Now, there is so much other noise, that Ben could do a lot of things without being caught right away... and he often does. Chocolate pudding has been banned from our house, and yogurt has to be hidden or it might be soon banned. He is such a sweetie, and alone, he is not the problem, but he just has so much opportunity to cause messes, and likely he is lacking in attention or he wouldn't have these opportunities. ... Anyway, I am torn between wanting to snuggle w/ him 24 / 7, or medicate him so he will sleep a little more and thus cause a little less havoc (I wouldn't really medicate him). Sweet Ben. I say Ben, what are you doing, he say "nuffing", with a smile, a dimple, and a twinkle in his eye... and a cute jiggle of his bottom. He melts my heart.

Every cabinet, cupboard and closet is full, and I know I desperately need to purge, but I can't find the time to do the basics, so a project of that monumental size would require major planning. I have asked over and over for John to take all 4 children (and himself) someplace for a week-end, or better a long week-end. I just dream of being in my own house for a few days, where I could get a little done, and just enjoy the peace. Going away doesn't do it for me, because I get nothing done, and the house slides backward while I am gone, so it takes me 2 wks to catch up from being gone. I will miss them all as soon as they drive away, but I just need a few days in my house when it is not a war zone. It is what I long for more than jewelry or roses or anything else I can think of... except for that new washer and dryer and commercial size refrigerator...My, how my wish list has changed over the past 9 years!