Ready or Not, School's Out

Last day of preschool. Pizza party at noon. 3 more days of school for elementary kiddos.  Had a ton of things on my list then I turned on the TV and the movie "My Sister's Keeper" called out to me -- I had tears from the beginning credits... I now have perspective (and blood shot eyes), and I realize I have no problems whatsoever!... AND I have not accomplished a thing, except for a lot of cryin' -- maybe that is what I needed to appreciate my blessings this summer! Great flick - so sad....
Happy Summer... It is here, whether we are ready or not

Ben... sweet sweet Ben... he "HELPS" me so much!

I noticed Ben had disappeared. He was in the front yard. I called and asked him what he was doing, and he replied "I am making lettuce"... hmmm?... well... he had gotten the garden shears out of the garage in the chaos of big kids getting bikes for school, and was cutting up flowers... I guess boys don't need flowers. I have to keep my sense of humor for sure! I will miss these days one day. right?

I know I will miss it.  He makes my heart smile, even when he is making work for me - which is anytime he isn't sleeping or snuggling, but the snuggling makes it all worth it!  Oh it is so hard to be mad at him!

Happy Tuesday!  (It is Tuesday, right?) 

Help Me Help Me… My Baby is Turning 4

Ben is turning FOUR on Monday. He is our 4^th child – the 4^th in a 5 year span of pregnancies. The twins were a wild ride, then Alexander was born when the twins were only 3 ½, then Ben was a unplanned blessing, born when Alexander was only 20 months old. As a parent, we are not supposed to, and we really don't love one child more than another, but at different times, they capture our hearts in different ways. When they have birthdays, I seem to reflect on their entire lives from birth in some nostalgic way. Ben will be four on Monday, and I am settled into this state… only this is the last baby, so I may need more help snap out of it.

Also, he is my snuggliest one (I know snuggliest is not a word, but it should be). Ben keeps agreeing when we ask him to stay little. When school started in August, and Alexander went to kindergarten, I realized that this time I have with Ben on the 2 days a week he is not in preschool, is the first time I have ever had just one child. I have been savoring Tuesdays and Thursdays for the past month, realizing that this is what my friends with one baby had that I missed. I know I probably benefitted from a lot of moments that moms of singleton babies didn't, but this one on one time is amazing to me right now. I have never had it.

It is cold and rainy too, so we have had 'lots of snuggles this week. I am in real trouble. I am really having emotional issues. I am not just reflecting on the four glorious years of Ben's life, but on the entire 10 year journey that lead us to where we are now. I guess, because he is my last baby, I am realizing this is it… finale...end of the road… no more babies. I don't have any regrets about this. I know that I am stretched beyond my capabilities, and I can't even remember my name at the end of many days. For this reason, , and the fact that I do have a lot of work to do with these four to make them fit for society, it is a good thing that this baby factory is closed. But, I really will miss the babies in my life. I have had a baby for the past 9 ½ years, and now all of the sudden, no more babies.

I cannot imagine what life would be like without Ben. He is the master charmer of my crew. It seems it is always this one… the one that was not in our grand plan (not that we had a grand plan)… the one that my mom almost disowned me for conceiving… the one that caused me to cry when I realized I had conceived him – my 4^th baby in 5 years…. It is this one that absolutely wraps himself around your heart in a way that changes everything about you. For that matter, he wraps himself around the hearts of almost anyone who meets him. He doesn't have a bad day. He is happy when he wakes, and happy when he goes to bed. He is busy, but always smiling. He tells strangers about his day.

Ben… sweet Ben… he is so "go with the flow". He love trucks and tractors, and is happy to go anywhere. He is busy, but he is so happy. He hasn't gotten the attention that many of his friends get from their mom, not because I don't want to, but because he spent the first year in the baby bjorn, the second in a car seat and stroller, and the last two years have been a blur. He finds ways to entertain himself though. Whether he is bathing our white lab in Hershey's syrup, squeezing green Play dough through my garlic press in the middle of my cooking (before all of the garlic was pressed), or mixing red Kool Aid in his giant dump truck, he is happy. Just this morning, I was cleaning up the splattered blackberry yogurt in the kitchen from when Ben fed his yogurt to the dog yesterday. As I was on the floor, I looked in his dirty dump truck and there I saw one of my earrings. I don't have many pieces of expensive jewelry, but this pair was my Christmas gift from my mom last year and I know they were nice. I had taken them off one night in exhaustion and placed them in my bed side table, rather than my jewelry box, and for some unknown reason, Ben thought one of these earrings would fit nicely in his Tonka Truck this morning. These things happen every moment of every day. It is so hard to get mad at him because he is honestly not trying to cause destruction. He is just exploring. Sometimes I do have to discipline him, but I try to keep my perspective that he is so happy and innocent and did not intentionally cause the mess. I am so grateful for that happiness. I think I have more funny Ben stories than the total of all of my children. He is just such a character. I could write an entire book on this kid. He recently said to me "Mommy, when I get bigger, I will still be Ben." Innocence at it's best!

I am really not sure who I am writing this for, but over the next few days, I will re-live the past 10 years, focusing on the birth of all four children, and the stages of chaos our family has been through, and how Ben came to be Ben. I sometimes complain about the craziness, exhaustion, and many other things I can't even describe. This week, I am reflecting on the blessings that I have been given in this life. Ben is one of my blessings, and because his birthday is in four days, he is getting a lot of focus. All of my children are all blessings in their own right. The journey of the past 10 years has lead to this last baby growing up.

Why Do They Grow Up?

TWINS WERE A WILD RIDE...
I am not sure why I had these babies in sunglasses in this picture. I was always so frazzled that I hardly ever put shoes on them. We would be out in public, around people in my mom's circle (proper ladies) and someone would ask where their shoes were and I would be a little embarrassed. Also, we live in Houston, where it is summer weather all year, and I love looking at little baby toes, so maybe that had a little something to do with it. Anyway, for some reason, on this day, I had them in socks, shoes, hats, sunglasses. Geez... it likely took me hours to get out of the house, and the chance that I returned home with all of these items is very slim. I did love these days though. Life was simple before we entered the world of school and activities. We walked, played, ate, slept. We were on our own schedule. We didn't need to go many places. I love newborns. I love their joy at experiencing everything. I love that I was their world then. We were so busy with twins, but looking back, it was so simple. Diapers didn't bother me a bit! With every phase, I have said that I wish they would stop there, then something else wonderful happens and it seems even better, but looking back, I am definitely a fan of the newborn stage. I feel like I really lost control and priority in their life when they started to elementary school, and I know this is not the end of this. I liked that control and order in our life.

Fast Forward...Now Look What Happened...

So why does this happen? They went to camp and did not look back. The tired part of me was glad to be freeee... but then I realized that this also means that I am no longer their world!

It passes so quickly. Our doorbell rings every 15 minutes most days for one or the other child. It is grand central station around here. I thought life with newborn twins was hectic, but it was a different kind of busy! I know social development is good for children, but I would be fine if we were isolated somehow.

I am good with the diapers... they don't bother me one bit!

My baby will always be my baby!

Ben is my fourth child... my baby forever. He gives me the best hugs and wet slobbery kisses -- the kind you need to wipe your mouth with a keenex after. He is going to be four soon, and he is getting so big. Diapers are a thing of the distant past for our family, and Ben has been anxiously waiting for his soccer coach to call since last fall when all of the other kids were awaiting calls from their coaches.

This week, the older kids started school. Alexander started kindergarten in the same school where the twins attend fourth grade. Alexander still seems so little to me, but he has instantly grown up with his daily routine of riding the school bus and going to real school. Ben was sad when he realized that everyone started their school on Monday except him. He just had a cookie party on Monday, then we start next Monday.

He is mostly bummed because his new school has some really cool trucks and a track for him to play with -- he is obsessed with trucks. "They have a car carrier and a firetruck!" he exclaimed. In our house, you know you are really special if he lets you play with his car carrier, and firetruck runs a close second". He relates everything to what people drive. He asked one of the concession stand workers at Silver Dollar City if she drives a truck or a car. He asks many people we encounter this question. If they drive a truck, we move on to if they have a trailor and what kind of trailor. When Papa recently went into the hospital, he was very concerned about knowing if Papa went to the hospital in an ambulance or in the feed truck! Oh how I wish we could freeze this moment in time! Yesterday, he came into the room and exclaimed "Moooommmy - You need to turn off your computer NOW!" I said "why?", and the little bugger said "Because it is snuggle time!" as he bound into my lap. How can anyone resist this?

School is back in session, I started teaching college this week too, and I have so many things I need to catch up on, not to mention the fact that I suffered a ruptured eardrum just 5 days ago and am still not 100%. None of that matters right now because I am head over heels in love with the best snuggler in the world! I realize that this time will pass too soon. He will always be my baby though.

This week, Ben and I have had a lot of together time. I am just savoring this time, because it is starting to hit me that it will be gone before I know it! The twins were a bit of a blur from birth until kindergarten, then Alexander wasn't even 2 when Ben came into the mix, so this is the most calm my house has ever been. I never really had that newborn quiet time because I was outnumbered with twins. This is it... really. This is the most time I have had with just one child. I do long for more time to get things done, but for now, I am cherishing this little snuggler.

This Girl LOVES Animals!

I have never seen a child who loves animals like this. Maggie has always been captured by animals. As a toddler, she never really had a Barbie phase. She has this collection of horse toys and she lines up the mamas with the babies and they all play and have conversations, etc. She could get lost for hours in this type of play, and really needed no playmate... just her horses.

I have only met one child who thinks like Maggie about animals, and it is one of our cousins in Oklahoma that lives on the ranch. Halley and Maggie are 2 peas in a pod for sure.

As she grew up, she became interested in reading about horses and expanded her passion to dogs too. She asked for a puppy from Santa for FOUR years before he finally brought Marshmallow. By the 4th year, Maggie told Santa that he didn't have to bring her anything else if he could please just bring a puppy. She really meant this.

By age 6, she stopped watching kid television programs, and would watch Animal Planet channel at every opportunity. She knows the most random facts about all animals from this show. She is not the most energetic about school studies at this age, but she has an amazing mind for animal facts -- she loves all animals, but her love is especially for dogs and horses. I think this shows that she can retain what she wants to. She now says that she wants to be a veterinarian or a animal rescue specialist. Though this is a common goal for girls her age ( I think I wanted to be a vet at some point), I think she has a spark about the animals that most children do not possess at this age. My sister loved animals a lot, but I still think Maggie's passion is unique.

When we left ranch camp, Maggie begged to just stay for the next school year. She would miss us, but the animals would help her to get over her parents. She really belongs in the country. Her smile at ranch camp was like no other time I have seen. She was really in her element!

Only time will tell what the future holds for this child. My brother says that she will stop wanting to come in a few years as she becomes a teen and gets more interest in social life and boys, etc. I know this is probably true for the average girl, but I just can't see Maggie dumping the animals for a boy.

I miss them already!

I dropped the twins at camp for the first time yesterday -- 13 days! They didn't look back... they will have a blast. But how will we be? I long for peace and quiet, yet I miss the chaos.

For the first time in almost 6 years, I am home without children. My mom took the little boys while the twins are at Kamp Kanakuk for the first time. I will depart in 8 days to pick up the littles in Oklahoma, then on to Branson for the camp closing ceremonies. I have dreamed, begged, pleaded, offered bribes for this break for the past 4 years, and my hubby hasn't come through, but finally, my mom had pitty on me (or possibly thought I was near a break down), and offered to take the little boys while the twins are at camp.

For moms, we want a break, but as soon as they are gone, we miss them so much. Breaks are funny like that. We want what we don't have. I just wish I could fly in to give them a hug!

I know they are all safe though, so I will try to focus on the rare chance to knock out some productivity in this casa! I desperately need to purge the toys and clutter in the kid's domain -- okay, mine too. I have a list a mile long, but I will wear out before I make it to the midpoint.

I need to get organized for the start of school for kids and for teacher mommy. At the moment, I am not sure what classes I am slated to teach at the college this fall, so getting that schedule in my calendar might be a good start.

After all of the work, I hope to find a couple of days to relax before hitting the road again on the 9th. I will be rearing to go by then. I have never been away from any of them this long... let alone all of them at the same time. I miss my snuggles from Ben, kisses from Alexander, smiles from Maggie, and even the smarty pants Anthony. Life just seems incomplete without them, but I will try to keep my eye on the ball, because who knows when this will happen again.